Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I want her autograph on my taint
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
