do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
