I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
