The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
