i just had sex bonerless
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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