I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize