Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
