so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
