you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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