dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
