i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
