Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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