i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
