Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
