Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
