if i died would you start the facebook group?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
