He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Nobody cheats on THIS.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
