you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think people are normalizing furries
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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