you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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