You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
