I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
