hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
