6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
