The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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