just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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