The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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