Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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