i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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