piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
