I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
