Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
