I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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