i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
