I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
