All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
