Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
