Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
