I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
