I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
