the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I deserve this hangover.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
