I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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