just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
