Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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