Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
