im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
