I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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