dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
