"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
