I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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