Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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