I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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