Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize