I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
