anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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