I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
