I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
