Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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