Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
