I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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