This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize