She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
