Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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