his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
