I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
