Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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