So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
