New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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