Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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