I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
