Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
