Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were destined to go to rehab together
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
