hotel room ftw
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize