Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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