Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
did i just pee glitter
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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