I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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