I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
