Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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