ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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