Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
