The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm getting married
To pizza
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
