You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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