my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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