is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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